The Average eRepublikan – Part 2: SEX!
Chutley
The Average eRepublikan – Part 2: SEX!
Past Articles:
1. Initial survey
2. Survey background
3. Survey results Part 1: Appearance
This issue: Survey results Part 2: Gender, Relationships, Sex, and Porn!
Next: Survey results Part 3: Vices and Traits
Then: Cross-tabulations
So, how many eRepublikans are virgins? Before we find out, let’s examine a few other results which may presage an answer.
Gender
Sorry, “both” was not an option
Nothing surprising here:
click to enlarge
I guess that’s why eMarriages are so scarce. By the way, I still have no chucking clue what that is. Good news though.
Sexual Orientation
I have a feeling a few people lied on this one. But which way?
Well, for starters, the fact that more people answered “Bisexual” than “Gay” is probably a bit off. Why? Well, I think if someone were inclined to fake answers they would be most likely to choose the former because, I’m guessing, that would seem funniest and most unexpected. It sure as hell would be how I’d troll.
On the other hand, we have, statistically, a pretty small percentage of gay individuals. This could mean one or several of the following:
1. That people were afraid to admit they are gay.
2. That people have not yet realized it/come out of the closet.
3. That eRepublik is an activity that is more catered to straight men and women than it is to homosexual men and women.
What’s your feeling? And let’s keep this clean. (that’s what she said)
RELATIONSHIP STATUS
Gotta believe this is pretty close to accurate because, well, why lie? Trolling might lead you to select “Divorced,” but, whatever – those people are heading straight toward alimony payments anyway. Too bad trolling in a basement doesn’t come with a very large salary.
Or with healthy food
Interestingly, remember that 353 pounder? He’s been divorced. Buck up man, things’ll get better.
HOW GOOD LOOKING ARE YOU?
We’re inching closer to the “Virgin” question (pun sort of intended), so let’s examine how beautiful we are on the outside and see if that gives us a raging clue. Inside beauty is overrated anyway.
This is not to say that virginhood is completely decided based on looks (we all know it only takes another 2 to screw a 2).
Consider this first:
An answer of “1” equaled “Ugly as sin,” while “10” meant you were an Adonis. Nothing exact about those descriptors, but I think it’s safe to say that we could all easily assume that the average of any respectable, somewhat random sample should yield an answer of “5;” or, in other words, an average looking person.
However, if one is to believe our survey responses, we appear to have a very attractive sampling. The average eRepublikan is a…
6.64 out of 10
This is obviously completely bogus. I’m sorry; did people think I was asking about their avatars?
What we actually have here is evidence that our small population has a positively distorted view of itself. Almost one third of respondents said they were 7’s. We’ve already seen answers that were hard to believe, but this… this is nuts.
Here’s my rating system and how I’d react if a friend was dating someone of that number, starting with 5 and up:
5 = Average looking. A 100% meh. No shame with a 5, but no glory either.
6 = Good looking. Nothing to brag about, but a nice haul nonetheless.
7 = Attractive. Now it’s getting very respectable. A 7 still looks good in the morning. A 7 is the first number where friends start to talk positively about you behind your back. “Hey, have you seen Bob’s girlfriend?” “No, how’d he do?” “Pretty damn good for Bob.”
8 = Hot. Well done man. Wouldn’t have believed you did it if I wasn’t there helping you out with my awesome biceps and silver tongued wit. Very nicely done.
9 = Crazy hot. Like totally crazy hot. Like calling your friends the next day to tell them about it hot. Like can I take a picture of us in bed so I can remember this moment hot. Like I realize that life is now all downhill from here hot.
10 = Perfect. They don’t exist.
So… we, eRepublikans, are apparently between a nice haul and something to brag about? I think not. Listen - I was prepared to accept an average answer of 5 even though that's like staring at a brown banana and calling it ripe, but even I'm surprised so many of you don't know how rotten you are.
A note to some of you - you can paint a brown banana yellow, but it's still going to taste like crap.
Whoa sorry – Evil Chutley came out a little there. I forgot how much of a dick he can be.
PORNOGRAPHY
I wasn’t prepared to believe any less than 80%. But this?
Yes: 62%
No: 36%
Abstaine
😛2%
Maybe they didn’t know what I meant by “love.” Just to be clear, I didn’t mean given the choice between pornography and leaving the house you’d immediately choose the former. I just meant you’d come around to it eventually after carefully considering your other options.
So now that you understand, can I call at least 20% of you liars?
Although…
0: 21%
1: 13%
2: 13%
3: 15%
4: 7%
5: 6%
6: 5%
7: 16%
Ok. 21% of you don’t watch it at all. Fine, there’s your 21% from above. I get that.
That means 79% watch it weekly. It also means 15% of our total watches it, but doesn’t love it. I’m guessing that’s where most of our 1 day per week respondents dwell.
But how does that happen? Were you researching OCDs so you googled “anal retention” but instead typed “insertion” and then got stuck in front of your computer screen watching a horrible mistake for an hour, too titillated to turn it off but too disgusted with yourself to enjoy it?
More importantly – that happens at least once every week? Start being more careful with your typing or at least have the fortitude to look away every once in a while.
Oh and by the way, you 7 day-ers need to find other hobbies
SEX
Finally.
The percentage of respondents who claimed virginity was…
37%
That may sound low. It isn’t. Remember – our average age was 23 years old.
Furthermore, it did win the plurality. Second place was promiscuity (-ish) with 33%. Last place was exactly 3 partners (6
😵, followed by exactly 2 partners (7
😵. Right in the middle was 1 partner. So 17% of you either:
1. Are still with that first person,
2. Are on a very long cold streak, or
3. Just got ‘er done.
Congrats, last category. I'm sorry to hear that, first category.
And to all those virgins: keep shooting that rifle blindly in the air, you’re bound to hit a bird one of these days.
Summary
So, using a combination of pluralities and averages of the statistics previously reviewed, we see that the unscientifically calculated average eRepublikan is…
A strong, moderately attractive, porn loving, 23 year old straight male virgin bachelor who stands 5'10, weighs 168 lbs, and is not fat (partly due to the fact that he works out at least 3 times per week).
That’s it for this issue. Next we will cover Vices and Personality Traits.
Primitively,
Chutley
Comments
Virginitaxx
This article is probably a 8,8/10.
Statistical Images are too small and its a pain to click on everyone to make them larger. Voted.
lol. A tall strong moderately attractive person who is also a 23 year old virgin?
@SG Launcelot - thanks for the feedback. I fixed it so you can click on the images to enlarge. Unfortunately eRep adds an extra step now...
Launcelot speaks the truth. The images could be bigger.
How about cross-tabulating sex and age? Might yield interesting results.
Choted.
@Kemal - much cross-tabulation is still to come
Not sure how 37% virginity versus 63% not means that the average on this game is a virgin but meh. Wonderful article nonetheless.
@Alex - I'm taking the plurality there (ie, most chosen category)
A lot of work to reach that punchline. But a good laugh nonetheless.
So the mean of your stats (ie. the average between the skinny teens and the overweight middle-agers) yields good results (but likely represents a small part of the population). Hmmm, but I don't think the 'virginity average' can have different results based on the spread (can only be a 'yes' or 'no'), so it is probably the common denominator.
You are freaking me out now, altogether!
(but this is hilarious so far, looking forward to reading the rest of the analysis)
Did the UIP not reply?
So... whacking off = working out?
You should've put a "Do you wear a trench coat when working out in public?" in the quiz to clarify the correlation
@Jude, were you honest, I personally doubt it.
@Chut, why pick on Jamie Lee Curtis? I bet she doesn't play, ergo no defending thyself. Like, any person(RL) has a choice in what they are born being, typical insensitive crap from a eRepublik elite.
@Pure_evil: such a good point. Will definitely investigate the relationship soon 🙂
@GP: I didn't pick on her. I just put her picture there, same with the troll who, very unfortunately, cannot defend himself either. Oh well, such is the fate of those who only exist in two dimensions.
"I didn't pick on her. I just put her picture there", why though?
Which two dimensions are you referring to?
very nice! o/
+ : There are no ugly woman - there´s just too less of beer.
; ) (not really 😁)
Lol nice Otis
Lovely 😁
I wear a trench coat when working out...
A strong, moderately attractive, porn loving, 23 year old straight male virgin bachelor who stands 5'10, weighs 168 lbs, and is not fat (partly due to the fact that he works out at least 3 times per week).
^ ok so, I may be a bit naive but, based on playing this game off and on for a couple of years (another character), watching you guys interact, reading the articles, especially the old style ones with the old adverts, cruising the forums a bit, sharing pm's,
I think so far, you've got a pretty accurate representation of the average eRep player. o/
Something to keep in mind is large weight doesn't mean lazy. Your 353 pounder can bench press his own weight easily. And even if he wanted to lose weight, anything less than 300 pounds is a toothpick. Also he was divorced twice. You didn't have that option.
Otherwise, keep up the good work. It's rather fun to see the results.
^ woo \o/
You're careful though eh. Those weights can kill ya!
damnitt I'm doing my own survey
polls show that roughly 3.5% of the population (country not mentioned?) is gay, and that Americans, which would be you in this case Chutley, tend to overestimate the percentage of the population that's gay. (meaning lesbians as well in this case, mind you)
Well I did the math and 3.5% of 276 people would be 9.66.
Meaning that that number is about right, statistically.
though we might have just under 3/4ths of a gay person running around somewhere.
@Neuroticfish - thanks for the response. Recent studies indicate higher percentages, though you're right to point out that my perspective is from an American perspective:
From: http://www.nationalsexstudy.indiana.edu/
While about 7% of adult women and 8% of men identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual, the proportion of individuals in the U.S. who have had same-gender sexual interactions at some point in their lives is higher.
Well with 8% it should be 22 but all studies/polls tend to have a few percent margin of error, so we can at least say it's relatively accurate. xD
Deal
Happy now? Jesus Christ, you're worse than my ex.
leave it to GP to ask which two dimensions someone is referring to when discussing a display on a computer monitor.
nice job chutley, oh, and welcome to the "erep elite"! "Where jamie lee curtis is just another tool to piss off morons." I'm making that our new slogan btw.
You're fired.
Thank the gods I am not "average"
I think having more bisexuals makes sense. orientation is a spectrum and most people that are gay aren't 100% gay.
@GP: it's because JLC was born with a penis
So full of win.
if the graphs were small:
1. get glasses
2. magnify your browser
also, i don't think the virgin question is appropriate for a plurality
the only time plurality is appropriate is if the question is like: what's your favorite food.
Let's not get too scientifically serious with the final descriptors.
The virgin question can't yield a numerical average anyway since I didn't specify numbers over 3.
Eh. My RL pic is somewhere on the forums. People can judge for themselves, etc, blahblahblah.
Either way, I voted + lolled.
There aren't Gays or Bisexuals here. They wrote it just for fun.
Great article
I was actually surprised we got 6.64 as results. There's scientific backing that shows that humans always think that they are better at what they do than they actually are...or, rather, more attractive than they actually are. I was expecting higher.
"...23 year old straight male virgin bachelor" Hey now. NON-virgin bachelor according to the results. Might want to fix that Chut.