Inane POTUS Debate: Nice Chutley vs. Evil Chutley

Day 1,261, 13:37 • Published in USA USA • by Chutley



Inane POTUS Debate: Nice Chutley vs. Evil Chutley


Disclaimer: On Monday night the Federalist Party held a debate between the four major candidates. Immediately afterwards, Chutley had a mental breakdown, split into two, and debated himself. This is the transcript. It is a horrendous article. Seriously – you'd be better off just voting this and closing the tab right now. Read at your own peril and don't say you weren't warned.





Welcome to the May 2011 POTUS Debate: Part 2


Moderator: The following will be part of the debate:

Nice Chutley vs. Evil Chutley




VS.







Mod: First of all, why isn’t anyone else involved?

Nice Chutley: Because we want to make sure we win the debate.

Mod: But won’t this mean you lose too?

Evil Chutley: Moderator, I realize this doesn’t directly answer your question, but you smell strongly like cabbage and shame. You also look like the thing the hot chick from Species turned into at the end. When I hear you it makes me realize what hell will be like. And remember when I accidentally brushed into you on the way out here? Did you hear me dry heave? You’re offensive to all five senses. If I had a sixth sense I’m certain you would offend that and I would pass out from offense overload. And Nice Chutley – you’re an idiot and an ass.

Nice Chutley: I really have to disagree here. And, moderator, I love your suit. Where did you get it?

Evil Chutley: See this is what I’m talking about. And by the way, you also look like crap. More importantly, stop writing these horrible articles. No one likes them.

Nice Chutley: But the last two both got over 100 votes.

Evil Chutley: People are voting out of pity. The articles aren’t funny. Penis jokes? Really?

Nice Chutley: I thought it was clever. Also, I think it made a good point.

Evil Chutley: What point? That you’re a bearded dick?

Nice Chutley: See, you make penis jokes too.

Evil Chutley: Insults are funny. The only good thing you’ve ever written down was the “ram cock” joke and that’s because I told you to do it. And I completely disagree with you about the WHPR picture. It was hilarious. If you gave me the goddamn password to your profile I would post pictures of porn every 15 minutes – and I’d probably get more subscribers.





Moderator: Chutleys, relax. Let’s move on to more important issues. First question:

What is the your opinion of player generated content and what limits should the community accept, if any?





Nice Chutley: I’m not sure there should be any limits. I’m all for freedom of the press and I think most people do a good job of respecting the community at large.

Evil Chutley: This is so obvious. Nice Chutley should not be able to publish any articles. This is already a waste of time for literally every single reader. In fact, I recommend you go stare at Battle Orders for the next 20 minutes. It will honestly be more interesting. At least that has graphics. All this has is terrible jokes and the amazing ability to piss people off.





Moderator: Next question: What are your plans to deal with the Spanish and Polish?





Evil Chutley: Kill them, hack into their accounts, take their gold, and make everyone post this article in their newspapers. Once people see this transcript on their personal page every single user will pack up and leave.





Moderator: Ok – this was horrible. No more questions. My apologies for this travesty. If I actually existed I would have killed myself already. If anyone is still reading this, and I sincerely hope no one is, the Chutleys will now take questions from the audience.


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End transcript


>> You read this? I guess you might as well shout it