The Keating Manifesto - Pick Me in New Mexico

Day 1,247, 10:36 • Published in USA USA • by Blank Keating
This is a platform article. If you don't care about voting for me, are an international reader, and/or don't care about my sense of humor, you may move on and save a couple minutes of your life.



Good morning New Mexico,

I have come to inform you of something. In five days, you will have a choice. That's right. A big choice. You'll be electing a congressman to represent your state. There are many things that should influence your vote on the 25th.

First, you should be going to #ato and figuring out where your vote is actually needed. But if you're not going to do that, then you should vote for me in New Mexico. What have I done, you ask? Here's a simple list for you:

United States Training Corps - Private
SEAL Team 6 - Lieutenant, Nighthawks Platoon and Quartermaster General
Ultramarines - Normal Guy

Deputy Secretary of Education, 1 term
Secretary of the Interior, 1 term
Deputy Secretary of State + Regional Manager, 1 term
Congressman of Colorado, 3 terms
Ambassador to France, 1 term + Current
Secretary of Education, 6 terms + Current
Vice Minister of Foreign Affairs, Current

It might not be longer than your friggin' arm, but it is great, because I was awesome at all these jobs. Including the congressman part. Which is what I'm running for, in case you forgot. Now, for my agenda:

My first order of business will be renaming New Mexico. As you know, eMexico is a rogue state and a traitor to America. In fact, Mexico tried to conquer this state with the aid of New World Order terrorists just last week. A great state like New Mexico does not deserve such a disgraced name staining its glorious lands. In the spirit of freedom, New Mexico will be renamed New America (and the border will be armed with rocket launchers).



Now just a touch of pandering for our more colorful parties at #1 and #6:
- INCI: Türkiye'nin ve baykuslari seviyorum.
- ACP: Studying Ronald Reagan is a wholesome alternative to pornography.

Then we get down to business. Here's what I'll do with our new congress after election time:

- I believe in a unified America behind the newly crafted United States Armed Forces.
- I believe in making OMS the best sidekick ever, and funding it well.
- I hate income taxes and I'll do what is deemed necessary to modify them.
- I believe we should have a Natural Enemy 24/7/365 for the strength bonus.
- I will be active on the forums and online every day.
- I will take your messages and answer your questions.



In summary,

Don't vote for me because I'm a patriot.

Don't vote for me because I give away my revenue for free.

Don't vote for me because I made the U.S. #1 in Education.

Don't vote for me because of my extensive resume helping America.

Vote for me because I'm famous,



and I can post pictures of women on the internet.



See you in five days,








(Vote an article that matters instea😛 The Dept. of Education's fighting guide)