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It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, Renouille, woke up in a imaginery desert. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling ridiculously worried, Renouille groped a ninja star, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved chocolate was missing! Immediately he called his so-called friend, Fauc0n. Renouille had known Fauc0n for (plus or minus) 200,000 years, the majority of which were flamboyant ones. Fauc0n was unique. He was smart though sometimes a little... insensitive. Renouille called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Fauc0n picked up to a very happy Renouille. Fauc0n calmly assured him that most disease-carrying chipmunks yawn before mating, yet albino cats usually scandalously belch *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Renouille. Why was Fauc0n trying to distract Renouille? Because he had snuck out from Renouille's with the chocolate only eight days prior. It was a enchanting little chocolate... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Renouille got back to the subject at han😛 his chocolate. Fauc0n cringed. Relunctantly, Fauc0n invited him over, assuring him they'd find the chocolate. Renouille grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Fauc0n realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the chocolate and he had to do it randomly. He figured that if Renouille took the Jap Trap, he had take at least five minutes before Renouille would get there. But if he took the ChocoCar? Then Fauc0n would be scarcely screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Fauc0n was interrupted by ten funny-smelling cows that were lured by his chocolate. Fauc0n belched; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling relieved, he aimlessly reached for his ripened avocado and aimlessly hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the ChocoCar rolling up. It was Renouille.

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of live hand grenades, so he knew he was running late. With a deft leap, Renouille was out of the ChocoCar and went indiscriminately jaunting toward Fauc0n's front door. Meanwhile inside, Fauc0n was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the chocolate into a box of gerbils and then slid the box behind his time machine. Fauc0n was puzzled but at least the chocolate was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Fauc0n earnestly purred. With a quick push, Renouille opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted coke fiend in a pimp fresh, candy-painted 'Lac,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Fauc0n assured him. Renouille took a seat ridiculously far from where Fauc0n had hidden the chocolate. Fauc0n grimaced trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Renouille was distracted. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Fauc0n noticed a dimwitted look on Renouille's face. Renouille slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Fauc0n felt a stabbing pain in his taint when Renouille asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the chocolate right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A selfish look started to form on Renouille's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's bananas from when she used to have pet spotted wolf hamsters. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Renouille nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Fauc0n could react, Renouille randomly lunged toward the box and opened it. The chocolate was plainly in view.

Renouille stared at Fauc0n for what what must've been six seconds. A few freaknasty minutes later, Fauc0n groped charismatically in Renouille's direction, clearly desperate. Renouille grabbed the chocolate and bolted for the door. It was locked. Fauc0n let out a saucy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Renouille,' he rebuked. Fauc0n always had been a little annoying, so Renouille knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Fauc0n did something crazy, like... start chucking carrots at him or something. Ever so extemperaneously, he gripped his chocolate tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Fauc0n looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Renouille. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Renouille. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Fauc0n walked over to the window and looked down. Renouille was gone.


Just yonder, Renouille was struggling to make his way through the lemur-infested moor behind Fauc0n's place. Renouille had severely hurt his prostate during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cows suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the chocolate. One by one they latched on to Renouille. Already weakened from his injury, Renouille yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cows running off with his chocolate.

But then God came down with His outgoing smile and restored Renouille's chocolate. Feeling angered, God smote the cows for their injustice. Then He got in His deliciously practical 4-door and jettisoned away with the fortitude of 200,000 3-legged wallabies running from a misshapen pack of long-haired sea monkeys. Renouille ran with joy when he saw this. His chocolate was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in eight minutes his favorite TV show, Survivor, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When disease-carrying chipmunks meet unborn fetus'). Renouille was pleased. And so, everyone except Fauc0n and a few gun-toting Indonesian devil cats lived blissfully happy, forever after.

why? Because I can.

With Love,Hugs and Moos CVUL/Madkytle/Hector/Comrade blabla Lenin/NEINNEINNEIN/TheCommunist 😃